Death Doula

The whole of our life is sacred/ from birth through to death. The end of life, our last days and hours before death are equally sacred. Death is the final journey we will take in this lifetime. From a purely physical perspective, our bodies are doing a lot of work in our final days and hours in shutting itself down – One last task for our magnificent human body.

The dying process can be simultaneously a gruelling and ecstatic time for both the dying person and for those in vigil. As death doulas we support you through the dying experience- emotionally and physically.

Many cultures have also long held the practise of sitting with a body for a certain period of time after death. Post death Vigils are a beautiful way of honouring the life of someone who has died and provide those grieving with a safe and gentle facilitation for their grief.
There are many rituals are practises around this that I can either facilitate or provide guidance on.

I coordinate and tailor a vigil unique to your family’s needs, values and beliefs and assist the whole process as needed, from beginning to end.

Shrouding is the time-honoured practise of wrapping a body in cloth. The way you shroud, the type of cloth used and the style of ‘ties’ used, varies from culture to culture. In my experience, the very act of shrouding can allow us the time and space to honour the body of the person who has died, one last time. It often is a simple yet deeply powerful experience in expressing our love and grief.

You may choose to ritually bathe the body of your person before shrouding, with a prayer or a blessing as you do. I am skilled in the art of Shrouding and can provide options on this beautiful service for you.

Often families feel comforted to know someone is with them in the home during the night. It can enable others to take a break and get a good night’s sleep or support in monitoring the dying person’s needs.

This can be practical and/or emotional support – Keeping you company in the middle of the night is often deeply reassuring for many. A major part of my work has been supporting families in this area.

Very few people are aware that when someone dies in a hospital, you have a right to bring your person home. There is also no legal limit on the amount of time that a person can be at home before they need to be buried or cremated. As part of the services I provide, I am able to liaise and organise on your behalf with the hospital, coroner or funeral director to bring your person home for a vigil. I am also able to provide you with the information you need to organise yourselves if you prefer.

Once your person is home, I can support you in post death body care, suggest options on rituals and ceremony and support you in any way that is needed. It’s your right to have your person at home with you until you are ready to say goodbye.

An advanced care directive is a document that can be created at any stage of life and is sometimes called a ‘living will’. This is a document that lets your family know your preferences for medical treatment that you may or may not want to have should you become unable to make these decisions. A care directive lets your family know what your wishes are for when you die.

It’s a document that can give you peace of mind that your wishes are known and will be advocated for.

Sitting down to write your advanced care directive can be confronting as we are bringing our own death into our consciousness. It is a process that many of us avoid but feel liberated and relieved in knowing it has been completed.

It has been my experience that when we are given the opportunity to sit with someone after they have died, it really supports the grieving process. When we get to see and touch the body of someone who has died, there is a finality that we don’t get otherwise. By not rushing the removal of a dead body, I have witnessed stoic men gradually soften into their grief and acceptance – a gift they may not have received had they not had the opportunity to take their time.

To keep a body at home is not as difficult as you may think. It is actually easily done and one I can support you with simply. Legally you have a right to have your person at home after they die, even if they have died in hospital.

There is no legal time limit to how long a body can remain at home before burial or cremation. I am able to support you to arrange your person to be brought home from hospital or funeral home as well as support you during the time your person is at home.

I will help you create a beautiful space for your person while they are at home, care for their body, offer suggestions for honouring them and can stay with you for as long or as little is needed while your person is at home. And if you prefer, I can talk you through each step so you can feel confident in actioning any of these steps yourself.